Pretty Much...This is True

Rolled Oat Blueberry Scones

2011-06-04T13:28:00.001-07:00

The texture is definitely not the same as regular scones, but they are yummy!

Narnia Reading Challenge!

2011-05-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

This reeks of a small group project...I think I know what my HS girls will be doing this summer :) 

Who else is in?

"Dear Prudence"

2011-05-13T10:46:00.001-07:00

...or Avery. Sorry, I didn't have the heart to name you Prudence because it's just not a name I like, but it fits for the song and currently there is not a "Dear Avery" song. One day...

Last night, after feeling fluttering for the past couple of weeks, you actually kicked or punched or tossed around and your daddy felt you. Thank you that most precious gift.

This morning, I can still feel you moving about and I believe it's you reminding me that you're here, but not here. It's the now and not yet phenomenon. You're here and I'm hoping that I'm living life okay here on the outside so that you are well protected on the inside. I still can't imagine you here though - live! That will be another life-changing experience and I'm looking forward to finally meeting you face-to-face. I wonder if I'll cry, laugh, or just be astonished that you actually exist.

I believe in you, with my whole heart I believe in you and love you, but to see you in person, tangible, your tiny little hand waving about - that is a whole other extraordinary world.

♫

Cakes of a Potato

2011-04-27T21:47:00.000-07:00

I made my first batch of potato pancakes and they are yummy! The ones I made for the men who live under the roof had cheese on them (of course!) and mind had lemon pepper sprinkled on them. Then again, what isn't good when it's fried in butter?

I would have taken a picture, but we ate them all up!

PS - I must give credit to my chef husband because he made the mashed potatoes last night from scratch :)

"Little Bunny Foo Foo"

2011-04-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

Bought the stuff and now, I believe, this makes me committed to the making, baking, stirring, chopping, and preparing of Easter lunch. Here is what it "should" look like:

Ham & Cheese Breakfast Casserole

Baked Apple Cinnamon French Toast

Roasted Asparagus Citrus Dressing

♫

My new favorite site!

2011-02-03T13:19:00.000-08:00

www.goodreads.com

mmmm...food :)

2011-01-22T10:06:00.001-08:00

In My Life

2011-01-09T22:46:00.001-08:00

First, there was The Day, which was filled with worship, beautiful friends and family:

Second, there was The Honeymoon, which was filled with foreign languages, interesting people, and yummy food:

Third, there was the new reading selection, which is filled with new and useful information:

O, 2011, what a year to be had!

11.14.10

2010-11-14T00:12:00.000-08:00

More changes...it's all just so crazy, but since life is sort of consuming me at the moment, I am failing to recognize that things are going to change and slightly envious of those who are going through life-changing moments. Well, so am I.

I'm getting married.

I have been given the opportunity to go to Spain for 10 days.

I'm moving to a home...no more being a roommate or paying rent.

I going to live out a new role.

I don't know how to be a wife. I'm far from the woman who designed all the kitchen stuff we registered for - thank you Martha Stewart! Cleaning, don't love to do, but it gets done. I'm not sure what looks good on a wall except for a bookshelf filled with books. I do know how to - though not perfectly and I mess up all the time - love my future husband, support him, and respect him. That's about all I can do.

What do I look forward to the most?

No more watching the clock! When I want to go to sleep, I can just go! No more driving home, away from him. I can just sleep and he'll be next to me. And...the best part!...he'll be there in the morning too.

27 days.

2010-11-03T13:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/7th+Dear+Lucky+Agent+Contest+Young+Adult.aspx

Real Quick!

2010-09-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

Week 3

1. When, in the last week, did I feel most alive?

Having those "divine interruptions" where I am given some time, or I actually recognize that I have the time, to sit down with one or just a few of the high school-ers and just listen to them, ask them questions, love them a little bit more than the day before.

2. What undertows am I feeling in my life this week?

My prayer life is in the toilet. 'Nuff said :(

"27 Dresses...Time for the Third!"

2010-09-07T15:11:00.000-07:00

This dress, the cost being so tangible it turns my face red (did I really become one of those brides?), was not the first one, the second, or the third dress. At least, it wasn't the original third dress. The one with the billowy skirt and pockets was the third dress to try on.

The first dress had a back to it that looked like something out of Vegas. Unless I had suddenly turned 50 years old after decades of partying as if it were still 1975, this dress was not for me. I put it on anyway and I heard my mother scream (hypothetically yet super realistic in my head) "Jennifer, I told you your tattoos would be the bane of your wedding dress picks!" Rather than smack my mom in the face as I walked down the aisle in the tackiest thing I've ever worn, I said "No" and didn't even attempt to walk out of the dressing room to show my support who came with me to the shop filled with lace, ribbon, tulle, chiffon, glittery-glam-sequincy stuff.

The second dress was a dress - I actually don't remember what it looked like at all.

It was after this second one that I was just done and wanted to go. I'm a good shopper, when I know what I want. I didn't know what I wanted and the store was suffocating me with all it's white and I wanted to go home.

The lady must have seen my face because she said she just knew the perfect dress and she scampered off to go fetch it.

Looking at it, I still didn't know and then she pushed me back into the room to try it on.

Better.

Imagining the church. The people. The lights. Him.

So much better.

It took asking me a few more times and then I just knew. The pocket dress was fine, still up on its hanger, the dress that was now embracing me was the Third/One dress.

This Third/One dress is the dress I will get to worship and celebrate all that God has done in my life and continues to do with each passing day or hour. I will get to walk with my pastor who has been such a guide for my life that I can never thank him enough. I will get to stand next to the man who will not only be my husband, but the one who is there to help me, guide me, protect me, stand for me - the man who is enough.

"27 Dresses"

2010-09-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

I own a lot of dresses. I had more, way more, and then in the process of moving from one county to another I did donate some to the Goodwill. Now, there's not as many, but even as I sit here and glance over at my closet, there's still more than enough to choose from for most any occasion that may come my way.

I love dresses. Each one has it's own personality, I guess you could say. Some make me feel professional in life - I know if I wear that one I will be successful at work, run through a grocery store during my hour lunch, drive in traffic, create a masterpiece for dinner, and listen intently to those I care about when they tell me about their day. Another dress is one that must be worn when eating outside with a great book (or Nook!). The other one just begs to be gazed upon. And, yes, I even have a couple dresses that demand twirling.

There are two dresses of significance in my closet - one hasn't reached the closet yet, but it will be there within the next couple of months. The first one is a dark purple and, depending on the light, glistens in the way oil does in a parking lot after it rains. It's short (most of my dresses are because I lack height), with spaghetti straps, and the bottom has a slight "bubble bottom" that was so popular at one point.

I love this dress!

I went with three friends to pick it out, not this particular one, I really didn't know what I had in mind and we went to two stores. We had such a good time and I remember at one point one of my lovely friends I worked with a camp called me and we chatted for a bit. It was a very loving day. The afternoon was perfect, great weather, and from where we were you could see the ocean. The dress that was being sought after was going to be worn on a date. Not just any date. This was the second date and it was to a musical. It was the dressed-up date!

He has seen me half-asleep. He has seen me dirty. He has seen me dressed as normal as anybody else. He has not seen me all done-up. I needed to impress.

He said I was beautiful. He held my hand. He apologized for taking me to a very embarrassing show.

- To be continued

♫

"Back to School Again"

2010-08-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

School is in session. Almost - classes start next week, but there is plenty of life happening on campus this week.

Professors are back in their offices, staff is turning their computers back on, and students are moving back into dorms.

What am I doing?

My brain, body, and even a bit of my soul are screaming at me to go to school. Where are the new school supplies? Did you order the backpack yet? When is the long-awaited, giant order of used books coming to my door? (That one probably hurts the most. I love making that order!)

It's just so odd not to have school next week. When I made the decision not to attend grad school this fall, it was hard, but I accepted it. Then again, school wasn't staring me down. It was summer. Everyone was gone, back at home, working at camp, taking vacations. Only summer school was happening and that has never been something I yearned to do. No big deal.

It's harder now and I feel like I'm back in that mode of is-this-really-my-life? All my friends are either in school, married with kids, or long into their careers. Where am I? Graduated (finally!) and working at a school in a job that I know I won't be at until the end of time. Is it a job pertaining to my degree? No, not really.

I know this is just a moment of change and who adjusts well to change? Pretty much, not a one. It will be weird to hear about classes and homework - though I know I will never miss homework! - but after a couple of weeks or so, I'll remember that where I am now is not an accident. Actually, I do realize that now, but I just need to accept it.

I am where I am because God has put me here. He may put me somewhere else in two months. Who even knows? Not me! I use to look at the whole not-knowing as fun. It meant that there was so much possibility and excitement. Now, I don't know, that part or that way of thinking as gone and I didn't even notice it had left. I miss it. I want it back. I need to remember this and ask for it to come back - my old friend of optimism.

♫

"Our God"

2010-06-10T21:15:00.000-07:00

Week 2

1. When, in the last week, did I feel most alive?

I got to sit in on an admissions interview for a future religion major and was brought to tears just to hear how God was working in his life, at a job he doesn't particularly love, but because of his love for God three (3!) of his co-workers accepted Christ. One did it while at work! I loved it and loved to listen to his story, and I just cannot wait to watch him grow in his faith as he takes classes. It was such a blessing

2. What undertows am I feeling in my life this week?

Oh goodness, the usual insecurity, not thinking I should be allowed to feel a certain way because it may be too much, pathetic, ridiculous and hesitating on whether I should swallow up those feelings or just be honest about it.

♫

"Alive"

2010-05-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

Week 1

1. When, in the last week, did I feel most alive?

When I realized that my thoughts about the future are not my own, but given to me by the Holy Spirit and those thoughts are manifested! As in, right now, they are manifested. Perhaps, not fully because, last I checked, I'm still breathing and my heart's still beating. But it is starting...the future that God wants from me. It's so encouraging and it reminds me of what Dr. Austring said last September, "Sounds like God is preparing you." When he said this and when I think of it now it makes me all teary-eyed. At the time I had no idea what this preparation could be for, but I think I'm starting to catch on.

2. What undertows am I feeling in my life this week?

lack of self-control.........UGH! Yesterday, I read that we are to ask the Holy Spirit to help us (I know, novel concept, huh?), guide us, provide the wisdom we lack. So, I do this. I have done this. Why isn't it working. Oh yeah, because I IGNORE the Spirit! Maybe stop doing this? GoodNESS!

♫

Two That Will Save You

2010-05-11T23:53:00.000-07:00

As an antidote to the kind of stress that leads to burnout, try a one-year experiment. Start a simple journal, and at least once a week make an entry in it that answers two questions:

1. When, in the last week, did I feel most alive?

2. What undertows am I feeling in my life this week?

Use the first question as a trigger for praise and thanks to God. After you answer the second question go to 1 Peter 5:7, then consciously cast that care onto God's shoulders.

If you decide to keep journaling past the one-year "experimental" stage, every month you can look back to the previous year's corresponding month just to track the progress of God's movement in your life.

Len Kageler

Ok, well, I don't know about whether these questions will "save" me, but they certainly will help! I think I"m gonna try it out. Although, I'm already thinking of not doing it because I'm all scared that I won't be able to keep it up for an ENTIRE year because I may forget, or get busy, or not want to, or get bored, or my laptop may die, or the sky will fall, or my hands will fall off (maybe just my fingers), or the internet might reach it's peak and go away forever! So many excuses, but I'm gonna give it a go!

"Falling In Love at a Coffee Shop" Part 2

2010-04-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

I fall in love with him each and every time over warm cups of coffee. Sometimes the cups are mugs - big ones and ones so small that you can't even fit one finger through the handle. There are the paper cups with the cardboard guards that protect your fingers from burning off. We have shared coffee in the car, in the coffee place, during dinner, after dinner, on the beach, on the tram to Disneyland, at a bookstore, with books and without, and on the couch between the "I'm sleepy" and "goodnight."

Coffee is our "thing" and I know it's something we share with many others, but when it's just the two of us with our cups or mugs of coffee it is as if the rest of the world quiets just for a moment and we get to share a small glimpse of each other.

♫

"Paperback Writer"

2010-03-07T20:28:00.000-08:00

It's weird when you realize that the time you've spent on something you love actually produces something. When others tell you that it took them this long to do this or that long to get to where they are today...I think that we all - I least I know I do - secretly think that it'll be different in our case. We'll get there twice as fast and with less sweat. Now, this may happen for those choice few, but for the most part this isn't true for the other 99% of the population.

I've been writing since before I knew how to spell. My first story was about this little boy who stole "brocken" wood. Oh yes, the wood was brocken. It was brocken for an entire two pages. Even when he made it into a bird house, the wood remained brocken.

From there I wrote stories about anything and everything. I wrote about a world made out of apple pie. I wrote a poem about limousines - my favorite car at the time. I wrote about a love triangle and the girl, Izzy, plummets to her tragic demise on the last page. There was the story about the brothers and one was a boxer. A bus ride to Woodstock that turns out to be anything, but normal. Oh yeah, then there's another bus ride story that involves a mom and daughter finding their way home.

I love to write.

So, there has been lots of trees I have helped to demolish, a couple things published in my high school's literary magazine, but nothing much afterward. I wrote stuff for school, but nothing ever went past the classroom. Until recently...all that work, preparation, practice...it's been happening.

I grabbed the opportunity to freelance write for websites. I have two plays that are going to be produced in the 10 Minute Showcase. I have a paper that is going to be in the Christian & Literature Conference.

EEEEEK!

Wow!

Really?!

I don't know if I'll ever be that new-found-wonder on some book list out there and I've never asked for that - though with God, anything is possible, so maybe maybe - but these few events in my writing life are beyond anything I thought would happen. It's really exciting and puts the thought in my head that writing as a career is possible. It doesn't help that ugly doubt is a smelly fungus that won't go away. Maybe I need more of an ego? More confidence? I don't know...either way, I am going to enjoy all of this and I am so thankful for God placing a pencil in my hand and not telling me how to spell broken.

PS - Three months...he has my heart. With each word, each smile, each moment I fall more and more. Holding his hand, being by his side is such a true gift from the only One who is able to give such a gift.

♫

"Blackbird"

2009-12-17T11:26:00.000-08:00

I thought while I kept myself in my cozy bed, not so much out of laziness, but out of not feeling well (that's a better excuse, right?) I would babble some because now is a good enough time as any.

School is done! It was done last Friday around 9:30ish a.m. Greek was the last final for me and we were warned about 30 seconds before we started that we will take the exam AGAIN! on the second day of class next semester. Oh yes, the man knows how to win our hearts. We're supposed to be doing 15 minutes of Greek every day during the break...has yet to happen for me. I'll get on it, eventually.

Grades come out tomorrow!

So, aside from the Greek I'm not doing, I am reading, working, high school grouping, and spending time with family and my sweetie - my Jason :)

I read many blogs from all sorts of people, some in, some not in relationships. For the ones that are in relationships, there is some kind of happiness that is within them and their words that they share especially when they write about that one guy or that one girl. It's fun and I love to get caught up in the words because that kind of happiness, unfortunately, seems so rare. I don't know how to explain it...it's more solid, more tangible, more fulfilling...I don't know, but it is something different. I use to think, "Wow, they are so lucky to have each other, to be able to share in this happiness." I was just reading a blog this morning and the husband and wife were writing about their 7 year anniversary and the same thought ran through my head along with "Oh my gosh! I'm in that happiness! I'm experiencing this!"

So undeserving, so unknowing if it would happen, so trusting that God had a plan and I would step on to whichever path He had for me.

It took what seemed like forever to be okay with just myself and not "yes, I'm single, but I'm fine on my own." It was more, "I love my life with God and doing what He wants me to do at this moment. Whatever happens, happens, but I know right now He and I are living out this life." I wasn't actively looking, you could say, for that somebody else or anything like that, I was just experiencing life. Then when the fall semester started, I thought there was a chance with someone that I was growing very close to, talking to all the time, and sharing stuff with, but it felt the same as it had before. Usually, when I start to like someone, I get completely stressed out about it! I am always caught up in stupid questions, things that don't matter, and lost in wonder. I try to make things happen. This is what I was doing. Then my friends invited me to fast with them during the week of Halloween. By this time, I was already trying to convince myself that I needed to let go of this other person because I was making myself insane. The week of fasting (my first one ever!) was beyond anything I could have imagined.

That week made me quiet, made me listen, made my heart and mind open for whatever was in store. Also, despite the lack of food, I did excellent on all my papers and exams that week! Praise God for His strength!

...and that's kind of where it all began...the week of Halloween. Late nights at the church, painting a pumpkin, asking questions, and just opening my eyes. The happiness, which I've read from so many others, started pouring into my life.

Lord, I can't repay you for anything you have done and now you give me this? Will any form of "thank you" ever be enough?

It is so amazing and unlike anything I have ever experienced. When I'm with him, in his arms, my head is "How? Why? When? What? Where?" It's not confusing, but just "Wow, this is really happening."

God is so good and His good is overwhelming.

♫

"Pennies from Heaven"

2009-11-26T21:55:00.000-08:00

The day was filled with cooking, cleaning, eating!, friends, family, and dogs. It was a great day and night. My most favorite part was washing the dishes next to my mom and sister as they were ripping apart a turkey carcase.

Here are the cupcakes my mom brought:

Here's one of the four-legged friends that were doing their best to help out in the kitchen - say hello to Tuna!

♫

::click::

2009-11-23T10:05:00.000-08:00

I'm between classes at the moment and, rather than doing homework, I am putting my mind on other things...going over the past couple weeks and all the stuff that has been packed into those weeks. It's been good stuff - good good stuff. Unexpected and though I still wonder about how it happened, why it happened...it's happened/happening and just wow! As I said to a dear friend, it's amazing how things make sense when you're obedient to God, when you let Him do things His way. My mind set is so different than ever before and it makes it unexplainable yet comforting at the same time.

So, here is a image walk-through of my recent life...enjoy! (Maybe one day I'll realize that I own a camera and can take my own pictures...one day)

"...I've realized that no matter what is going on I just so have the best time with you. Thank you."

"...I look forward to the next time."

There is so much more than a picture can ever hold, but every moment is a mental picture (yes, just like The Office) for me.

::click::

Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There is a Season)

2009-11-13T20:16:00.000-08:00

This semester...there are four weeks left! It is so hard to believe how fast it has gone by. This means I only have one semester left for my undergraduate degree. It's been one of the harder semesters. Greek <-- that's my reason/excuse/complaint/joy for everything these past three months. It is great, gets in the way, and is so rewarding. I absolutely love the class and am thankful to be in it. I'm excited for Greek II next semester and, if Vanguard has me for the graduate program, I plan on enrolling in Second Year Greek for fall 2010.

The summer, well, I'm not quite sure as of yet. I think I know what is going to happen, but nothing is 100% guaranteed, which is exciting. It doesn't make me scared or nervous. It's more of an anticipation because if I don't know what is happening that means that anything that will happen will be an opportunity. Always a good thing.

As for life...so much as changed since a year ago. Location, people, myself. A year ago, I think I was fairly miserable. I was happy to be at a new school, studying what I wanted to study, and learning more about my faith, but the getting to and from school was so not fun. I missed my friends from work. I was always rushing from one place to the next because everything in my life was in a different city. Though sometimes there would be a sense of peace. I loved riding on the train and seeking out all the churches along the way, their cross high above the other houses and buildings. I always wanted to take pictures of them, but never did. The tornado that would fly by on the tracks (The Amtrak) was exhilarating. I had so much fun sitting midway between the track and the bench, holding tight to my books, and feeling it whip by me. Those were some good moments.

Then spring semester arrived and I was living on campus. So good, but I had to let go of my home church. So not good. I felt ripped apart. I also didn't know what I was supposed to do with myself, if anything. Nothing felt right, nothing felt like a step in a forward direction. I've written three papers now on John Milton's "When I Consider How My Light is Spent" and I love the last line and yet didn't take it to heart, "They also serve who only stand and wait". Our works don't give us any more favor in God's heart than the ones who are at a standstill in their lives. I was at a complete, my feet are statues in cement blocks, standstill. I tried out a few churches, liked them, but none of them felt like home. Of course, I wasn't too fair because I kept comparing them to CBC. How could I not? It's the only church I've really known. Finally...light bulb throws itself at my head...Anaheim! Twenty minutes away, I kinda know the pastor :) Home. So strange how that worked out. The associate pastor from CBC goes to Anaheim before I even know I'm moving to Costa Mesa and bam! God brings it all together. I was just too wrapped up in myself to realize it back in January. Sometimes I'm slow.

And here I am now (summer...well, summer is in all the posts below) heading into my last semester, helping out with the High School Group, and other possible happenings that make me unexpectedly really happy. I thought I was going down this one road and no, I was completely wrong. Thank goodness, I didn't get too far down it and lost. I find I'm listening more for God and letting Him guide me and it has made such a difference. I'm so grateful to Him. He has, as if there was doubt, made me complete and as a wonderful, beautiful friend taught me this summer - He is my #1, perfect for me in every way, I think he even likes the way I sing! I've learned so much and the thrilling part is that it doesn't end. There is still so much to learn and receive and give and explore and discover and love. I'll quote one of my family's favorite movies, "There are still good times to be had".

♫

"From the Inside Out"

2009-10-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight was so needed. I knew what my lesson was for the day to correct the past days this morning, God is enough, more than enough. God knows my heart, however, and knew that what I realized this morning was not sticking with me. As the hours went by I fell deeper and deeper into myself rather than into Him. During high school group the lesson was living with a purpose. Our purpose - living for Him and, as the girls and I spoke, to allow God or to recognize that He is our center. Then later, at Shine, all the lyrics revolved around the theme that He is more than enough, satisfies, all that I need, all that I want...I don't want blessings I want You.

Goodness God, when will I ever listen? You speak to me an entire night...will I admit that this is my only truth?

The moment the music started something stirred and the tears cooled my face. Some stuff has happened this week and rather than letting myself feel the natural hurt from it I was immediately "ok". I suppose I came to this conclusion since I had already known the answer to my question...how can you feel hurt over something you knew was going to happen? Well you can, but I thought I couldn't or that it wouldn't faze me as much as it did/has. Any amount of hurt, pain, confusion I immediately squash down and tell myself and others "it's ok, don't worry about it, I'm fine, moving on..." but that isn't right. It isn't right because I am still not going to God with it. Regardless of how long the hurt is sustained (or not for that matter) it still needs to go to God. No amount of covering it up or even hurdling myself over it makes it okay for me to take care of it myself. In fact, by doing that I'm still trying to control the circumstances.

::sigh::

As I told my girls tonight learning to love God completely and to follow Him without reservation and letting everything around you dissolve is so hard and never perfected, but it is something we yearn and strive to do every moment He gives us because glorifying God with our lives brings a rest and peace upon our souls.

♫

"Love Came Down"

2009-10-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight's Worship Night at CBC was incredible! The worship band and the congregation...it went by all too fast. There was such a sense of home as we praised our awesome God. It's family there, God's family and I wish everyone in my life that I love could have been there to experience it. We fully, loudly loved God tonight. I pray that this amazing worship sticks with us in every aspect of our lives. Everything we do should be done with just as much enthusiasm, passion, heart, mind, and soul.

One of the songs hit me especially hard tonight. It's crazy how sometimes a song means so much to you because it helps you get through something or recognize something about yourself. Then you work on it and the song (for the most part) just becomes another song. Then weeks, months, years later it becomes your theme song again. "Love Came Down" is this song for me. When I first started going to church because I was so completely lost and it was God's love that rescued me. It was His love that opened my eyes...the fact that He wanted only good for me and loved me. Really?! YES! Awesome :) - life goes on - and now I'm back to needing the lyrics of that song, the message.

God is the greatest love and we cannot find that in anything or anybody on this earth. Even when someone special does come along and feelings grow, but you're not sure...God will decide. I pray that God will streamline all my jumbled thoughts and even though I pray for that I still find myself trying to figure it all out. Not only does this make things even more foggy, but it makes me sad. I try to find hope in other people, which I think it is possible to have hope in people but I also have to be aware that people disappoint and that true, everlasting, firm hope is only found in God. I have been a mess the last few days trying to figure stuff out and going here and there for advice and over-analyzing. They are people I love and trust and they have nothing but good intentions, but it's to the Lord that all this should go to. In the beginning when the questions and wonderings started I turned to God immediately, but as days have gone by I have resorted to my own limited mind. I was reminded tonight that God's love is the greatest love and knowing that just makes me want to rest in Him, let it all go, He has it handled :)

To my Savior who is seated on high, only You have a great love and nothing compares. Only You can freely supply a hope that never fails and always satisfies. When our trust is in You life happens. Lord, tonight, I pray for a peace to be upon the souls that may be freaking out over circumstances they cannot control. I pray that Your peace quiets their minds and hearts so that they can hear You and see You. I pray to we are able to relinquish our ties to things of this earth and seek first You before turning to each other. "Let us not lift our souls to another," only to You.

♫

"Yearn"

2009-10-03T23:51:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him [...]"

There is so much comfort in the first part of this verse. At least, I find so much and yet I forget about it more than I would like. Why do I forget? Why after, during bad and/or confusing situations do I forget that regardless of present circumstances it is all being worked out for good, for Him?

I've been having up & down days and during those down days I realize that I am lost in my own thoughts rather than lost in Him. It's all because of what may or may not be.

I learned on Thursday from a very wise person that we have a desire for relationship. How could we not, look at our example: the Holy Trinity. That is the perfect relationship. I wish I knew more words to describe "perfect", but that's it. There is no other example that could beat it. It is a relationship of trust, dependence, love...it is impenetrable. This is God's nature and so of course we have this desire because we are in His image. We had, in the beginning, our desire for God and a mutual partnership between Adam and Eve.

BUT...

The Fall happened and desire, at least for women, became a sin. Our desire settled to the earth and we look to each other to fill gaps, satisfy cravings, and make us whole again.

I've fought through this. So many times! Though, during those times, I did not know God so it was so much more consuming, the emptiness. I no longer feel empty, but I still have those days when I wonder.

It's confusing...feelings. Sometimes I wish they would just go away, but the possibility within them is so exciting. But then there's the questions and the guessing and the blahblahblah. In the end, I am not grasping onto all the jumbled, over-analyzed, false thoughts. I'm swimming in the fact that God is taking this maze and molding it into something good, something for Him.

♫

"In My Room"

2009-09-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

♫

"Because"

2009-08-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

School is up and running whether I'm on board or not. I think I may still have a toe trying to touch the ground, which better stop because it's going to be ripped off much sooner rather than later.

Vanguard...at the end of last semester I wanted school to not end. Friends to stay, relationships to remain, and then we all went our separate ways. Some friends did not stay and some relationships changed (more than once) and now everything is different. Things have changed. I like change, but I have a hard time adjusting to it no matter how much it happens. I don't want - especially the good stuff - situations to be different; however, that's dumb. That is just the stupidest thing to ever want because if things did not evolve than I would not be where I am today. I would not know the people I know today. I would not get to have daily conversations that I treasure so very much. I would not have any type of a relationship with God.

So, school has started. We're in classes, books are overloading bags, and studying is already taking place. I'm excited for the semester. I think my classes are interesting. I also know that I have a LOT to do this semester. I am praying for strength. I'm also praying that I remember God comes first before school. He comes first before any one thing in my life. Sometimes my mind starts to wonder or get jammed with the "I wonder's" or the "what if's" and that's when my attentions shifts away. It was so easy this summer to stay focused. One of the things I'm scared of is that all that spiritual growth will shrink as the days take me farther away from life at Thousand Pines.

It's all part of maturing, I suppose. You can't have your hand held every time you cross the street. I know it will be okay. I know God will push/pull me through this semester. I know doubt will try to get in, but God won't let that happen.

♫

"These Are the Days of Our Lives"

2009-08-15T21:14:00.000-07:00

Camp is over. The ending was so much different from the beginning. Well, at least the mindset was different. Instead of crying (it was just a few tears now) because I didn't want to be there, I was scared; I cried last night because I was leaving a job I honestly did entirely for God, leaving a place that had become home, and leaving people that I love. I know it won't be for good, but just knowing that I won't go to Pond tomorrow, ask everyone how their weekend went, and anticipate the arrival of hormonally challenged kids is sad!

I think everyone should have to work at a camp at least once in their lifetime. It must be experienced! I feel like I have been on eight mission trips...in the same spot with the diverse "tribes" coming to us. Everything that you learn from the staff you work with, the kids, and the spiritual growth is beyond words. I don't even feel like the same person anymore. I now sing in front of others even when my voice barely exists (feeling super sick at the moment, thanks), act a fool in skits, and I reach to God so much quicker than before.

I could go on for half of forever about the kids. So many names, faces, and stories. God chose some of the most amazing kids to head our way. They were smart, funny, adorable, sometimes incredibly odd. This last week was so much fun! Spiritually, these kids knew their stuff. They were awkward at first because they had never been to our camp before, but quite quickly they trusted and loved us. I got five bracelets this week! So many asked Jesus into their hearts even one amazing little girl who said she wouldn't. I am so happy for her.

::quick interruption::
I am so flying 1st Class for the first time ever! Will people look at me if I squeal? I'm getting coffee before we take-off! Ahhhh! I'm so excited! This is incredible! EEEEK! Why doesn't anyone else look excited??
::back to our scheduled program::

The STAFF! I could go on for the other half of forever and then some when it comes to the staff.

::waiwaiwait!::
I just pulled out a table from the armrest! Awesome!
::and we're back::

I have now been graciously given new, amazing people in my life. They have added so much and I am so excited to see where their lives lead. I have been witness to joy, to strength, to giving, to love. I have so many memories, so many favorite moments, but I think my ultimate favorite time was the space between dinner and chapel, especially when Godzilla (hey, don't judge or touch!) unknowingly impersonated Bob Dylan on the mic as he did an impromptu song about the world around him. I also enjoyed the serenade I received from the projector...awe the love :) It was all great though...the one-on-one conversations, Bible study, staff outings - low ropes! craft cabin! - an absolute blessing, all of it.

It was such a blessing and gift to work at Thousand Pines at Ponderosa. I did not deserve it. Thank goodness that God is so good and so loving.

"Thank you!"

♫

"I Am a Rock"

2009-07-31T22:46:00.000-07:00

Well, actually, I fell off of a rock to land on another (thankfully smooth with algae stuff) and then slide into the water. It was oh so graceful and now I have a bruise on my right leg to match the one just about going away on the left leg. Good times :)

Before that though Ponderosa ended another amazing week. It was so blessed. The kids and counselors were some of the best. I think I say that after every week, but it is true every time. I absolutely love it and it proves (not that it needs to be proved) that God's love is infinite and so beyond strong.

A couple of weeks ago I felt like "love" was the theme. Chapel is always the same, but it just seemed as if the focus was on love. God's love, the way we love Him, love each other...all of it. Amina said that this week for her it felt focused on obedience. At the time she said that to me nothing came to my mind as a focus. Driving from home and back to camp tonight it hit me: heaven. The end of times, eschatology. I cannot wait to see my campers (yes, they are so mine ;c)) again, here on earth, but if that doesn't happen...getting to meet up with each other in heaven in whatever fashion that happens will be incredible! I hope they still call me Carrots! It just seemed like I heard about heaven a lot this week, lots of questions pertaining to it and in the book I'm currently reading - Crazy Love - it says that we don't pay enough, if any, attention to eternity unless we feel like we need to do something that may jeopardize its outcome. This week I thought about it because of the greatness of it. If we can feel so loved here on earth because of God, because of the people He brings in and out of our lives then can you even imagine what heaven will be like? My heart will explode I think in pure happiness.

♫

"Time After Time"

2009-07-20T14:59:00.000-07:00

Week 4!

PS - My birthday is exactly one month away...you know you're excited!!

♫

"Undo"

2009-07-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I gave my testimony to a bunch of kids. I don't know how many there were, but there were a bunch. I was nervous as usual, but nothing too bad. I gave it, managed not to stumble to much, and walked off the stage without falling on my face.

When I tried going to sleep later...a completely different story. I don't know, well I do know what it is, but I don't sleep well after I give my testimony. Too much stuff comes rushing back and I relive it all. I hear the voices, I see the faces, I remember the smell...and I have the worse sense of smell ever!

I don't like talking about it and I completely don't like remembering it. But that's what I did last night. Over and over again the scenes replayed and I don't know how to stop them. Now that I think about it though, as I type, praying should have been the first thing I did to remedy the situation. Sometimes I'm slow. I always have the want to pray for others when they talk to me, sometimes I get the courage to actually do it and sometimes I don't, but I hardly ever pray for myself when I feel scared, stressed, or just not myself. I sometimes still have the attitude that I can handle it, I'll take care of it myself, why burden anyone with my silly problem.

Today I wanted to share with a new found friend and I didn't. It wasn't (at least in my mind) my time to share. I don't know. I guess I think that my stuff isn't as bad as some so I shouldn't have the need or want to talk about it and that I should be over it by now.

♫

"Sing Sing Sing"

2009-07-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

We just got through our second group of campers at Ponderosa

We just got through our second group of campers at Ponderosa. I have realized that I completely underestimate the mental capacities of elementary/middle school kids. For God, love is a verb. It’s the same way with the kids! We, the adults, may say it and say it easily, but these kids live out the word “love” to each other and to us without questions asked. They make the decision to choose you and there you go.

This week I received the opportunity (though not under the best of circumstances) to be a camp counselor to a few girls. I’m so tired and so completely blessed! One of the girls has such a pure heart, completely open and ignited by and for God. She is amazing. All the kids were wonderful. They were so much fun, wide-awake at all times (helps to keep me awake), and crazy as well.

I was talking to Rocky, fellow Ponderosa staff member, and I decided that Thousand Pines is my summer’s mission trip. I didn’t get to go to Guatemala this year (yay for CBC!), but Crestline…the mountains, bugs, dirt, living with ten other girls…is just as much as a foreign place as Guatemala was for me. Decisions are limited and the conditions are what they are so you adapt. After learning to live in the new environment, it becomes home. Each week is different too because each group of kids are their own group. What works with one may not work with the others so you change it up. This “job” is dynamic and I love it!

Here’s to Week 3!

PS – here’s a joke from Gillian, “I know the world’s shortest story…DONE!”

♫

"Eight Days a Week"

2009-07-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

At the Ponderosa side of Thousand Pines we were one week with campers and this week without. The week with campers was extraordinary! The sappy side of me came out on the last day...I didn't want them to go and I keep expecting them to suddenly come back with another group. Alas, that is not to be and a completely new group will arrive on Sunday afternoon. I'm so excited because we're thinking of new songs, new worship songs, the skit gets better & better, and new games! WhooHoo! Yay, for the creative thinking of Rocky and Stix. Of course, this week we made sure to try out the games just to make sure they worked :)

Here's a small pictoral of Week 1:

Yesterday, the entire Ponderosa staff when to Forest Home to check out their camp. We had fun and joined in on the water games. It is a beautiful spot and if you can ever do a family camp vacation, I suggest checking it out.

Here's another photo depiction of our adventure:

♫

"It's a Beautiful Day"

2009-06-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure where to begin...to say that Thousand Pines is good isn't enough. To say that it is adding to my life isn't enough. To say that my life will never be the same isn't enough. I'm not sure how to honestly describe how amazing or important Thousand Pines is to me. I've done a total 180 since the first day I drove up here.

I have been blessed with a fantastic team at the Ponderosa Camp and we are looking forward to the kids arriving on Sunday. We did a team building activity today and though it should have been really uncomfortable because we were squished and bodies were touching like never before it was no problem, no discomfort. Granted, we didn't get it on the first try, we continued and kept going without frustration toward each other and succeeded in the end. I feel we were close already and this gave us the outward affirmation that we work well together and we know that each of us are there for support whenever needed.

We also get some really fun names because we're working at Ponderosa. The team is: Calypso, Stix, Carrots (that's me!), Amina, Ariel, Indy, Rocky, Godzilla, Zorro, Cuban, and Captain.

On Wednesday's we have the opportunity to renew our spirit with two separate Bible groups. The first one is held by Steve who reminds me of Duff from "Ace of Cakes" and it's a joy to listen and learn from him. We are doing a study in basically the four topics always confronting you in life: Identity, Relationships, Finances, (and I completely forget the last topic, but I'll update it when I look at my notes :c)). After that the girls get to go a girl's Bible study where the topic is Beautiful. Are you beautiful? Do you believe you're beautiful? What is beautiful?

I haven't been in a small group for over six months now because I was away from mine due to school and I never found one to be part of out in Costa Mesa. So, the small (relatively small) groups here are such a treat! God is so good! When it comes to school I'm good at independent work, homework, studying. When it comes to God I need that group, I need that fellowship, I need that accountability. Last night, I felt like I was floating. The nights before that I wasn't so good. As those I talked to on the phone, not really happy. Last night was completely different. It's true what they have been teaching here...relationships are so much better when you are closer to God, when God is your center. If your focus is on anything else things start to go not so well.

So, camp is great. Kids get here on Sunday. I get to go home tomorrow, baseball game on Saturday, breakfast with my long lost cousin Sunday morning (yay!!), and then church (yay, yay!!).

♫

"Misty"

2009-06-13T21:04:00.001-07:00

Driving in the fog - the dense, solid, impenetrable, life-swallowing fog - I will never do it again for my entire life.

There have been scary driving moments when other cars have tried to share the lane that I am in (how nice of them!) or tried to see what my radio looks like (I know that's why they drive so close to my bumper); however, none of those instances have ever made me want to stop and give-up, caused my legs to shake, or made me want to cry. Last night was terrifying.

I had four other girls in the car with me and I was scared for their lives. I couldn't quit because I needed to get them home, safe, in one piece. They were literally my eyes. Windows were rolled down and heads were out reporting "curve to the right", "to the left", "pull over here". They were encouraging, patient, and wonderful. It was absolute teamwork. Though I can't say I enjoyed the entire experience I am extremely thankful for each of them. There is no way I would have made it if it weren't for their support. Love exploded in my car last night and carried us the entire way up the mountain.

Once we finally arrived back at camp I can only give God credit for my brain still working and my hands able to remove the key from the ignition, unbuckle my seatbelt, and let my legs carry me out of the car. Relief doesn't suffice the mood we were in once we landed our feet on solid, unmoving ground. It's funny because all of us were enjoying the weather below so very much and didn't want to leave, but when we were back the cold never felt so good. We made our way to the dining hall and were comforted by others that made it back safely and much needed hot chocolate.

It is so good to be home!

♫

"Leaving on a Jet Plane"

2009-06-09T12:01:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for my job...well, not leave leave, but I will have a new address for the summer however I will still be able to come home when I need to and (of course!) continue going to my church until school starts. I thought I would share where I am going to be and if anyone feels like putting a pen to paper feel free to drop me a line :)

Here's the directions from the camp to church:
Where am I?

Here is the website to the camp:
Thousand Pines Christian Camp

Here is the website to church (we have just started a new series that is promising great lessons):
Yay for church!

Here is my new address:
Thousand Pines Christian Camp & Conference Center
P.O. Box 3288
Crestline, CA 92325
Attn: Jennifer Reynolds, Summer Staff

♫

"Falling In Love at a Coffee Shop"

2009-06-03T13:04:00.000-07:00

This past week I have been frequenting the Coffee Klatch and I love it here! I took a picture of my usual spot with my usual accessories (coffee, laptop, phone, and my feet) and would post it if I would remember to actually upload my pictures onto my computer. One day, one day. This afternoon I had the BEST "Mexican Mocha" ever! It was so caffeinated that when I got up to order a sandwich my vision was blurry and I kind of wanted to fall over. To ease my body back to its hydrated form I downed a bottle of water. My bladder pretty much wants to burst at the moment and instead of doing what should be done, I sit here and type because all of you wonderful people are just dying to know what I have been doing with my long, uneventful days.

I literally spend hours here and thankfully haven't gotten on anybody's nerves yet. So, thank you to the employees here at the Coffee Klatch, you guys (and your coffee!) have made this post (which I hope is a good thing?) and my sanity possible.

Mmmm, sprouts on a sandwich is so good.

♫

"These Boots Were Made for Walking"

2009-05-30T19:41:00.000-07:00

...straight into a black hole.

I just don't understand and maybe someone can explain it to me. Why? Why, why, why at the end of the month of May, in Southern California, in the Inland Empire, San Bernardino County, city of Rancho Cucamonga would one wear Uggs? Why?

"In my life"

2009-05-29T09:04:00.001-07:00

Today is my last day at Vanguard Center. The room that I fought for so that I could be like any other college student, participate in school activities and be closer to friends. This last semester has had so many moments. Some stick out and some blur into others, but every single one of them is valued.

This entire year has been unlike any year in my life. I went "off" to school, full time, didn't work (maybe not the wisest of decisions, but God always provides!) and I survived. I was able to take classes that actually meant something to me and I learned! For the first time since probably Valley College, I learned! I hear the words from some of the stuff I learned come out of my mouth during normal, every day conversations. Pretty much, my English classes have ruined my life because I can't watch a movie or read a book without having some of the theories I learned spew forth from my brain. Then my religion classes... (see those? The ellipsis? It is another haunting of an English professor!) those classes have been inspiring. I feel that I grew not only as a student, but as a Christian. My faith makes so much more sense now.

I have also met some people who have become people I cannot imagine my life without. Of course, there are others whom I just want to ask, "Really? Come on...really?" But going back to the others, the ones who have added so much to my life - I love them for purely selfish reasons. I love them because they bring out the best in me. I love them because I have a want to be around them for their laughter, their life, their mind, their heart. I love them because they are different from the other person that I also love being around. I love them because even though I may have had the same conversation with someone else prior what they bring to the topic is completely different and just as right. These people, theses new-found-friends will be carried in my heart forever.

I'm very excited for the new school year to start. I know, I know I still have an entire summer to get through first, but I'm still really excited! I think some of my classes are going to be quite hard, but I cannot wait to tackle them.

As for the summer. Work! I am going to be working as a Lead at Thousand Pines Christian Camp. I'm not really sure what I'll be doing, but it should be interesting considering I have never worked at a camp before. I'm kinda scared that I might accidentally lead myself or small children off a mountain. I don't even want to think about what scary, massive, ugly bugs I might run into. I still think it's crazy that I actually got this job. I suppose it means that God wants me there for some reason. I'm nervous for this entirely new environment, but it's been told to me before that we grow the most in God when we're in places of discomfort. Let the growing commence! (too bad that wasn't literally...I would love a couple more inches so that my jeans would actually fit!)

So, now it's time to go home for almost two weeks until I leave for the scary, hairy, buggy woods. I get to have an overdose of my family, go to my home church (CBC! We need an alma mater or something) and I'm going to visit friends from where I used to work. I am so happy to be going home! Even though I'm not that far, I have realized that I need my family, it's like they re-energize me. I never want to be too far from them. I'm comforted by the fact that I can always get in my car and go home without driving through state boundaries. However, one of the sad facts of home, no internet! AHHHH! I'll definitely have to make a couple trips to the library otherwise I may lose my mind. It's funny, but I cannot remember what a computer was like without internet. How did I stay in touch with people? Oh waiwaiwait! I remember! It was the phone...now isn't that just silly? :)

♫

layout

2009-05-26T14:00:00.001-07:00

How can I get a layout that is aesthetically pleasing to MY eye? This one is too squished!

I will figure this one out before the end of class...CHARGE!

"Oh, the things you can think"

2009-05-25T21:54:00.001-07:00

I learned a lot this weekend and it was all stuff that I already knew, but chose to ignore I suppose.

Well, maybe that isn't entirely new...the first stuff was new stuff. I had the privilege to hear my friend Jon preach on Sunday. It was such a surprise and he did an awesome job. To be witness to a man of God is such a gift. He was teaching on the question of how does a Good God allow pain? There is no one answer and no one answer, sometimes even multiple answers, is capable of offering a satisfying answer to all and for all. However, what I did learn on Sunday morning is that we don't even know the definition of good/bad or pleasure/pain. We know the meanings according to our culture, our world. We do not know them through God's definition, God's meaning. Only God is good and try giving a detailed description of the character of God's good character and see how soon you run out of words. See? Whose to decide what is a burden and what is a gift? It is all from God and at least we are capable of wrapping our minds around the fact that God does not put harm upon us, not in His eyes.

All that is given, all that is surrounding should be praised.

Once upon a time I don't think I was so judgmental, though I could be wrong. This past year though, I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm so harsh in my mind! I need to stop. I need to not worry about others and what they do, say, think. That is not my job. My expectations on others is ridiculous. Why can't I just love and accept people for who they are and when in the world did I get this way? I really don't like it and it's definitely something I am working on and will continue to work on. It's just so dumb and needs to stop. My goodness, as if I have any right to expect people to be this way or that and yet I "still have miles to go before" (Robert Frost anyone?) I am even acceptable to others. Lovable is not a word I would ever use to describe myself and the more I judge others the further I fall away from that.

I also learned that I have one of the best friends ever! Monica is amazing and I love her so very much. She is someone who is capable of anything. I firmly believe that she is one of those who says, "I'll do this" and she does it and she does it well! I am so blessed to know her. She is a great teacher, beyond intelligent, and so much fun. I laugh so much when I'm with her and I let way too much time go between our visits. She loves me so much that I am now the proud owner of a Sleeping Beauty compress. Yeah, that girl knows my heart.

♫

Pretty Much...This is True

Rolled Oat Blueberry Scones

Narnia Reading Challenge!

"Dear Prudence"

Cakes of a Potato

"Little Bunny Foo Foo"

My new favorite site!

Jennifer's book montage

mmmm...food :)

In My Life

11.14.10

Real Quick!

"27 Dresses...Time for the Third!"

"27 Dresses"

"Back to School Again"

"Our God"

"Alive"

Two That Will Save You

"Falling In Love at a Coffee Shop" Part 2

"Paperback Writer"

"Blackbird"

"Pennies from Heaven"

::click::

Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There is a Season)

"From the Inside Out"

"Love Came Down"

"Yearn"

"In My Room"

"Because"

"These Are the Days of Our Lives"

"I Am a Rock"

"Time After Time"

"Undo"

"Sing Sing Sing"

"Eight Days a Week"

"It's a Beautiful Day"

"Misty"

"Leaving on a Jet Plane"

"Falling In Love at a Coffee Shop"

"These Boots Were Made for Walking"

"In my life"

layout

"Oh, the things you can think"